Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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