So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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