Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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