You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
