I puked a lego.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
