My hand turned me down
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
wow bdsm is so cute
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
