I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
