so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
