Kiss
Puke
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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