Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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