i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My penis needs a shock collar
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
