ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
