Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
