you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
