At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize