I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
