fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
