You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
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Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
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I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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