It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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