I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
