wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
