My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
