ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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