I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Randomize
