i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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