I want to walk on stilts...naked
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
