No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
