I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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