we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
