I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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