i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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