Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize