my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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