I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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