I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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