Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Come see our sink grown plant.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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