You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
