The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
