Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
