Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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