I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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