i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
