I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
