I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
