saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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