Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
