i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I hate all girls vehemently.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
