My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize