As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
