we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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