wanna go halves on a baby?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
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i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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