I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
