he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
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we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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