Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
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you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
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This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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