I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize