im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
