hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
