The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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