We're like a lot better than the average bears
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
