do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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