I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
