No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
